This carer's story is real, but names and images have been changed to protect their privacy.
Kate is in her early sixties and cares for her dad.
Kate and her husband, Brian, relocated to Teesside after Brian was made redundant during the COVID-19 pandemic. Not long afterwards, Kate's parents decided to move closer to them, settling just a few minutes drive away.
Sadly, within 11 months of moving, Kate's mum died following a sudden illness. Overnight, Kate became her dad's main carer. Until then, her parents had largely looked after one another, with some support from Kate and Brian.
Since her mum's death, Kate has received no support from other family members, meaning responsibility for her dad's care falls solely to her and her husband, Brian.
Kate explains:
"It's 24/7 support and if Dad needs me urgently, I can be there within a few minutes. I'd describe it as an overseer position with very many duties. I'm there to help with anything finance-related, as well as physical and practical support around the house.
"If he needs to make a decision about something, it's getting to the stage where it's becoming more and more difficult for him.
"Caring for Dad has become a major role in both mine and Brian's lives. If we do anything, it has major implications. If he needs something from the supermarket, for example, one of us has to do it.
"It's restricted what we can do. We can't really go away – we definitely couldn't leave him and go abroad. Everything we do has to take into consideration how it might impact Dad."
Alongside caring responsibilities, Kate was also dealing with the loss of her mum.
"It's been difficult trying to rationalise it all. I lost Mum and then felt like I became a parent myself overnight to Dad."
The caring role has also had a significant impact on Kate's ability to work.
Although she would like to be in work, balancing work with her caring responsibilities has proved difficult. Kate feels that both her age and the demands of caring for her dad have created barriers to finding suitable work.
Financially, the situation has also been challenging. Kate explains:
"People don't always realise the financial impact caring can have. I'd like to work, but finding a job that fits around caring responsibilities isn't easy.
"I provide care every day, but because Dad isn't in receipt of the right benefits, I can't claim Carer's Allowance. It can feel very unfair at times."
Finding Support
Following her mum's death, Kate received support from Cruse, which she describes as invaluable during a particularly difficult period.
But alongside grieving for her mum Kate was adjusting to becoming a full-time carer and trying to manage her own wellbeing.
When things became overwhelming, Kate's GP surgery and social prescribing team helped her access support through Teesside Mind's Impact programme, and then through their carer service where she met wellbeing practitioner Ken.
Kate says:
"Ken has been an amazing support. He's given me ideas about how to cope with things.
"You want to do right by your parents, but when you're suddenly thrust into a position where you need to look after someone and put your own life on hold, it's very difficult."
Kate has also received support from Carers Together.
"All the support I've had has been amazing."
What Caring Has Taught Me
Despite the challenges, Kate takes comfort in knowing she is doing everything she can for her dad.
"Understanding that you're doing the best you can means that, when the time comes, you'll have no regrets. I'll be able to say that I did the best for my dad."
She is realistic about the future and knows her caring role is likely to become more demanding.
"The situation isn't going to improve, so you have to accept it, put your big girl's pants on and get on with it."
"I love my dad and one day, when he's not here, I'll be distraught. But you do get tested a lot, and I think I've learnt how to be kind.
"You have to compartmentalise what you're doing. It's the emotional side of it and the stress that's difficult."
Kate's Advice to Other Carers
Kate encourages other carers to find people who understand what they're going through.
"Find people who are going through similar things and talk to them.
"Lots of us look forward to retirement and enjoying life, then suddenly find ourselves becoming the primary carer for someone. It really helps to find people who understand what you're going through."