All names have been changed.
Linda’s youngest daughter, Sarah, was an alcoholic. Linda cared for Sarah for more than 30 years and also cared for her grandson
This is her story...
Sarah started drinking in her teens while living at home. Like most teenagers, she started going out with friends, drinking, and to those around her it seemed like normal behaviour. She got a good job, moved out, and even bought her own house with a mortgage. She had a son, and was a loving mother. Tragically, Sarah lost a baby and the grief and trauma from this loss led her to drink even more. For years, though, Linda and the rest of the family didn’t fully realise the extent of Sarah’s drinking or the impact it was having on both her and her son.
Gradually, the cracks began to show, and Sarah's alcoholism worsened, becoming more severe and placing an enormous strain on Linda and the rest of the family. As time went on, the situation only continued to deteriorate. And Linda took on parental responsibility for her grandson.
Linda eventually convinced her daughter to access help and persuaded her to see her GP. She was prescribed medication and started attending a support group which Linda’s husband would take her to. By this point, after years of watching her daughter’s struggle with alcohol, Linda was desperate – feeling helpless, isolated, ashamed and scared, and very unsupported. To make matters worse, amidst all of this, Linda then lost her husband.
Sarah continued going to the support group and one day asked if her mum would go with her. The first thing the nurse said to Linda when she walked in with Sarah was, “It’s not her that wants help it’s you.” By this point Linda was at rock bottom. The nurse told her about a substance misuse forum for carers in Middlesbrough (which would later become Branches).
“I took a lot of convincing, but I did eventually go,” says Linda. “When I walked into the room there were about 40 or 50 people sat there and it was total relief that I wasn’t on my own. I was shaking so much that the two ladies sat next to me - who became very dear friends - took both my hands and sat on them because I was shaking so much. One of the things I learnt from that group was not to shout and scream at Sarah as it does no good. If I could stay calm and talk to her then I would get through to her better. And I had to try and explain this to my other children as well. I found going to the group really helpful – it offered me a lifeline.”
Sarah went into rehab for three months. She was allowed out for one day for her sister’s wedding. Unfortunately, when she came out she went straight back to drinking which resulted in her losing her house. Linda managed to get her a flat just around the corner from where she lived. There was a code—if the blind was down, she was at her partner’s house, if it was up, she was home. “One day, I came back after being away and saw the blind was down, so I thought she was at her partner’s. She wasn’t answering her phone, and when I contacted her partner, he told me she was back at her flat. We eventually got in and that’s where we found her. She was gone. She was 44 years old.”
When asked what advice she would give to others Linda says: “I would say to anyone in my position, to access a support like Branches. I am forever grateful and thankful that I found the substance misuse forum which later became Branches. I found I wasn’t the only one going through this, others were too.
“Over the years I took an important role in the group, I was encouraged by a former member who showed me how to cope and deal with people who came for help. I hope I have done her proud. Branches are self-supporting, we do all we can to fund ourselves.”
Linda turns 79 this year and despite everything she’s been through and a recent health scare, she continues to take on the responsibility of running Branches because she feels so passionately about helping other people who are facing similar situations to what she has. She understands those feelings of shame and isolation and how it feels to lose someone you love to an addiction. When you look around the room at Branches, the love and support everyone shares for one another is truly palpable.
BUT….Linda is adamant that there needs to be more services to support people affected by drug and alcohol problems, “Not just for the person with the alcohol or drug problem but for everyone affected. It impacts so many people - family, friends, partners. Too many services have gone because they’ve lost their funding and they’ve not been replaced.”