Our unpaid carer has spent many years being an unpaid carer for her sister and brother-in-law, with dedication, reliance and love for her family.
For a long time, the couple lived with her mum. When she sadly passed away, she stepped in and became their full-time unpaid carer. What began as a natural extension of family support quickly evolved into a significant caring responsibility.
As their needs increased, she adapted in amazing ways. She developed creative systems within the home to help keep them safe and independent for as long as possible, introducing colour-coded reminders for using appliances like the oven and ensuring the home remained secure. These thoughtful adaptations allowed the couple to continue living in a familiar environment, despite their changing needs.
However, caring came at a personal cost. As the level of support required grew, she made the difficult decision to leave her job. Over time, she found herself spending most of her time living with her sister and brother-in-law, placing her own wellbeing and independence to one side. Like many unpaid carers, she focused on those she cared for, without recognising the toll it was taking on herself.
Eventually, she reached a crisis point. Recognising that she could no longer fully meet their needs alone, she reached out to Adult Social Care. Together, they made the difficult but necessary decision that her sister and brother-in-law would benefit from moving into extra care housing, where they could receive the consistent support they required.
Although she would have preferred a placement close to her own home, local availability meant that the couple needed to remain in the Middlesbrough area. Despite this challenge, and the impact it has on her daily life, particularly as she does not drive, she made the decision based on what was best for their safety and wellbeing.
The transition has not always been easy, but she feels reassured knowing they are safe.
True to her caring nature, she continues to play a central role in their lives. She has recreated her colour coded systems in their new flat, their love of Elvis and animals is reflected in the décor and furnishings and she visits most days where possible and takes them to a day centre each week to maintain routine and social connection. Her commitment remains unwavering.
Small moments bring great joy, especially when she brings her
dog to visit. Not only do her sister and brother-in-law love these visits, but they have also become a highlight for other residents, helping to build a sense of community within the scheme.
She has also noticed a small positive changes in their confidence, particularly in accessing shared spaces such as the on-site restaurant.
Importantly, she has not stopped advocating.
She is passionate about making the extra care scheme the best possible place for residents. She has put forward ideas to improve the environment, including introducing murals created by a local art college to stimulate interest and brighten shared spaces.
Through her experiences, she has come to recognise just how vital it is for carers to be heard and supported.
She would encourage others in similar situations to reach out earlier, before caring responsibilities become overwhelming. Seeking support, advice, and guidance sooner can help prevent the kind of crisis she experienced and lead to better outcomes for both carers and those they support.
Motivated by this, she has joined the Middlesbrough Carers Co-production Care for Carers Group, part of the wider Lived Experience Project. Here, she is helping to influence and shape services by ensuring that the voices of carers are included in decision making. To find out more about this group please contact Vicky on 07874 867908 or email vicky.jackson@pcp.uk.net
For her, being involved means:
• Turning her personal experience into positive change
• Helping improve systems for other carers and those being cared for
• Ensuring no one feels as alone or overwhelmed as she once did
Her story is a powerful reminder that behind every caring role is a person who also needs support, recognition and a voice.