Julie has two grown-up sons, both struggling with addiction issues. For the last 20 years, they've been in and out of prison, living chaotic lives.
Although Julie lives in a one-bedroom flat in sheltered accommodation, her sons often need a place to stay, and she’d rather have them with her than not know where they are.
The hardest part for Julie is watching her sons come out of prison to find that there's nothing waiting for them.
"There should be something like military training and something that teaches basic life skills," Julie says.
She believes very strongly that her sons, and others like them, need to learn both life and social skills, but instead, she says they’re released with no money, sometimes no place to live, and no sense of purpose. Julie is desperate for them to get better support.
"They don't want to live like this. Prison doesn’t rehabilitate them. They deserve better, but they need proper rehabilitation. They’ve not got a cat in hell’s chance. Some of the accommodation they get put in after prison, I wouldn’t put a dog in it. There’s no support, no effort to help them become responsible adults. I think it’s an illness. It needs treating.”
Julie has been a carer for her two sons for around 30 years. Tragically, she also lost a son when he was just 7 years old. Yet, she describes the situation with her two surviving sons as even worse. "If that's possible," she adds, "because there’s no end in sight."
One of her sons, Peter, began smoking cannabis at 15, which eventually led to harder drugs, including heroin. Her other son’s addiction with alcohol started later. He was living with his girlfriend and daughter, drinking a few cans every night, and then over time the dependency escalated.
Julie has received little support for herself. She says she’s had no support from her GP and that they didn’t know of any support that they could offer Julie as a carer. In fact, it was her son's girlfriend who eventually helped her by telling her about Branches - a peer support group specifically for those caring for someone with a drug or alcohol problems.
Julie adds, “You feel a kind of shame and guilt and talking to others in the same situation has been such a support " Julie has been attending the group for two years. “I’d definitely recommend a peer support group to others,” she says. "It’s made me stronger as a person. It’s been life changing. I can take a step back now, even though I’ll always support them. I would have benefited from something like this years ago."
In the past, Julie had attended other support sessions and groups aimed at drug users and educating carers on what to look out for, and how to help them find ways to take drugs safely. But she didn’t find them helpful. "There’s generally a huge lack of support, and if support is offered, it’s either too far away or at a time that doesn't work, or the wrong type of support. More awareness is needed."
Julie has often felt isolated and alone. "At times, I’ve questioned my own sanity."
Peter, who started with drugs, recently realised alcohol was his biggest issue. He admitted to being an alcoholic and decided he wanted to stop. Julie says, “It was around Christmas time, and I didn’t want him to be alone, so he moved in with me and we had a lovely, drug- and alcohol-free Christmas.” He stayed with his mum for a few weeks and secured himself a job, things seemed to be going well. The stability didn't last long, he started having issues at work and when Julie went on holiday, he had to find somewhere else to stay. After attending his cousin’s funeral, things got too much for Peter; he started drinking again. “It’s just a vicious cycle,” explains Julie.
When asked what advice she would give to others in similar situations, Julie says,
“You need support. You can’t do it on your own. It tears families apart. Being part of a support group has really helped me. But what would really help carers is if there was proper support for the people with the addiction. The prison system isn’t working. They need support to get into work, get off benefits. If support had been there for my boys, things would have been different. If only someone would listen to me. No one is addressing this.”
Thank you to Julie for sharing her caring journey with us. If you have been affected by Julie' story and would like to connect to local services that can support you, take a look at your options here. Julie’s story is true however individuals’ names and images have been changed to protect their privacy.
